“Someone on my Facebook posted horrible news.
And even though I’ve not read Wuthering Heights and I don’t think I’d like it even if I did, Wuthering Heights is being reprinted so the cover says ‘BELLA AND EDWARD’S FAVORITE BOOK!!!!”
… GTFO. It’s bad enough my copy of White Oleander has fuckin’ Oprah’s Book Club Stamp. FUCK OFF I DO NOT CARE WHO LIKES OR DISLIKES THIS BOOK OR WHAT SOME STUPID FUCKING BOOK REVIEWER THOUGHT OF IT. GET YOUR UNNECCESSARY BULLSHIT OFF MY OTHERWHISE AESTHETICALLY APPEALING COVER YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!!!”—Sharn. I LOVE YOU.
“We had to give our parents a plant with a note attached to it, and the note was supposed to be all sentimental and ‘thanks for support and love’ and all that shit, but I wrote on mine: “HELP. I’M A MAN TRAPPED IN A PLANT’S BODY!”—James Fenton, I’m in tears.
“‘Thank the Lord’? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion!”—Superintendent Chalmers (via calcallahan)
“I’m sorry, but I love a one-legged man; that is a good look. So manly! He always looks like he’s come a long way to tell you something really important.
‘Come over here. Listen. LISTEN! It’s slippery outside. Trust me, I only got one leg. Now turn me. EAST.’”—Dave Attell