The time has come for me to finally enlighten you all as to Ben and I’s completely fool-proof zombie-proof household. One night we spent 3.5 - 4.5 hours planning, drawing, and finalising the details (I usually tell people it was 2 hours because it’s a little embarrassing) and this was the outcome:
First of all, the likeliness of a zombie outbreak starting in Australia (we’re talking re-animated corpses or the typical Hollywood medical fuck up) is slim-to-none. We also figure that because we’re so ridiculously paranoid about the threat that, when it does happen, regardless of the attempted media cover-ups, we will (hopefully) recognise the threat and begin preparations early. We figure we have a couple of months at most to complete our house. Well, the house itself is already constructed, it’s the house underneath that we will be building.
Because we will have a relatively large group of people who will be staying with us, we will amalgamate our incomes and offer a building company the money needed immediately to complete the task at hand.
The house we will be excavating is situated in Scarborough - for those who don’t know Brisbane, it is an extremely rural suburb, situated away from Sydney as opposed to closer. As the threat will be a lot more concentrated in the larger cities first, as it is, the location of the house is an asset. And yes, the house is in Ben’s mother’s ownership, so it’s not like we’re stealing a house from someone else. As well as this, situated two minutes away from the house are two gun stores: side by side. Fuck. Yes.
The immediate protection above the house will be a 10 foot wall around the outside, guarded with cameras and motion sensors that will be linked to a video-room underneath the house. This room will be accessible by only five of us: Ben, Sharn, Jarrod, Yasmin and myself. This is to lessen the threat of people inside the house going mental and trying to kill us or something. This goes for the guns room, too. There will be barbed wire across the top of the wall, and obviously it will be extremely sturdy.
If the zombies happen to break through this barrier, next they have to get into the house. As it is there are bars on all of the windows and the doors are made of heavy wood. It will all be boarded up, along with all of the furniture being positioned against all of the entrances. Cameras and motion sensors will also be scattered throughout the inside of the house.
Now, let’s say that the zombies actually get into the house. They then have to figure out how to get underneath to where we are. And this is where it gets wonderful. In one of the wardrobes, the bottom will be removed, and there will be a trap door underneath. This trapdoor needs an electronic password.
Once inside, there are three more barriers, with three different passwords. They are all reinforced, heavy, bullet-proof, hardcore walls. There’s no way those fuckers are getting inside.
I think this is enough for now. Next I will write about underneath: the two levels, the storage systems, the way in which we will acquire out stocks, waste and water systems and oxygen levels. Stay tuned, my loves.
